Recommendations for Law Enforcement on Supporting Children Who Fear for Your Safety
Introduction
In addition to the many routine dangers and stressors inherent in law enforcement work, officers now find themselves faced with navigating the challenges of increasing societal expectations, community unrest, and fears expressed by family members who are concerned for their safety. Horrific acts of violence committed against law enforcement can leave children scared, confused, and worried about the safety of their law enforcement parents.
This article summarizes a set of clear recommendations for law enforcement parents seeking to better support, comfort, and reassure their children during challenging times. Many psychologists, child development experts, and other resources were consulted in preparing this article. Still, not all recommendations will be a good fit for all families, so please rely upon your own best judgment as a parent when deciding which recommendations you choose to utilize.
Recommendation #1: Consider Developmental Levels
During the early elementary school years, children do best with information that is kept brief and simple along with reassurances of safety. From the upper elementary school to early middle school years, they may ask more specific questions, benefit from help understanding fact versus fiction, and be open to receiving more information about what is being done to maintain safety. During the upper middle school and high school years, they may express more varied opinions about violence and safety, may require more in-depth conversations for reassurance, and may benefit from greater emotional support.
Recommendation #2: Check-In, Listen, and Observe Emotions
Making time for check-ins allows you to monitor your family’s changing emotional state. Sometimes children are very direct in terms of expressing their fears, while other times they express their emotions indirectly through drawing, play, or other behaviors (such as stomach aches and separation anxiety). Listen and observe with patience, validate their feelings, and let their questions help guide you as you assess their readiness to talk and how much information is best to share with them.
Recommendation #3: Provide Reassurance
Children look to their parents for guidance, so it is important to reassure them that they are safe, you love them, you follow many procedures that help you to stay safe, and you are part of a well-trained team who works to protect the community and each other.
Recommendation #4: Maintain a Routine
Children tend to benefit emotionally and physically from stable routines that incorporate regularly scheduled meals, exercise, sleep, schoolwork, and social activities.
Recommendation #5: Provide an Open Offer to Help
It can be very beneficial to simply let children know that you are there for them, you want to know if they are ever afraid, and they can always come to you for help.
Recommendation #6: Control Media and Internet Access
Consider controlling access to media that repeatedly highlights acts of violence. You may also wish to remove access to devices, utilize parental control settings that restrict access to certain television channels and websites, implement the highest level of privacy available on any social media accounts (or consider deleting the accounts entirely), and take other steps to maximize your family’s online safety.
Recommendation #7: Talk About Safety and Training
Consider talking about the extensive training that you, and those who serve with you, have gone through to prepare and equip you to do your jobs safely every day. You may consider allowing your children to watch a live training event, watch a portion of a training video, or inspect your body armor as you emphasize its strength and durability.
Recommendation #8: Avoid Focus on Worst-Case Scenarios
It may help to discuss the difference between the possibility that something could happen, and the probability that something will actually occur. In 2013, for example, law enforcement agencies in the United States employed 626,942 officers, and the probability of an officer being feloniously killed in the line of duty was approximately 0.00004%. One officer killed is far too many, and fortunately the statistical odds are strongly in favor of an officer not being killed in the line of duty.
Recommendation #9: Be Open to Discussing Violence
If your child is asking questions about acts of violence, why some people engage in violence, and what happens when acts of violence are committed, consider your child’s developmental level and emotional needs. You may wish to share that people who hurt others are often overwhelmed by anger, make extremely bad decisions, suffer from mental illness, hold beliefs that promote violence, or abuse drugs and alcohol. It is also very important to emphasize that law enforcement nationwide work very hard every day to keep dangerous people from hurting others, and that as a society we have courts, jails, and prisons to prevent people who are dangerous from hurting anyone else.
Recommendation #10: Reinforce the Positive
Since negative aspects of law enforcement often tend to be emphasized in the media, it is all the more important to counterbalance that negativity by reinforcing the positive aspects of law enforcement work. For example, children can benefit from knowing that their law enforcement parent performs extremely important work for the community, is repeatedly called upon to protect others, is entrusted to help citizens in their times of greatest need, and serves as a strong role model who others turn to for guidance.
Recommendation #11: Avoid Isolation
If you’re experiencing challenges reassuring your children about your safety, chances are that other members of your department are experiencing very similar issues and concerns. Consider reaching out to close colleagues, enlisting the support of trusted family and friends, and utilizing good community resources (schools, churches, etc.) that can help provide additional assistance, support, and reassurance for your children.
Recommendation #12: Foster Resilience
Resilience is the ability to overcome serious hardships, trauma, and tragedy – and the good news is that children can learn and develop their resilience skills over time. Being a stable, supportive, and committed parent is by far the single most important thing that you can do to help your child become more resilient.
Here are some additional practical tips for helping your child to develop stronger resilience:
- Teach your child how to set and achieve positive goals
- Encourage your child to be grateful for the good things in life;
- Facilitate supportive and positive relationships with your child;
- Help your child develop a positive view of the world and a positive self-view;
- Show your child how to listen, show concern for others, and be a good friend;
- Assist your child in understanding how to successfully adapt to difficult life changes;
- Teach your child to self-regulate when dealing with negative emotions and stressful events; and,
- Help your child to overcome worry with optimism, faith, hope, and a focus on the bigger picture.
References:
American Psychological Association (APA) Resilience Guide: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resilience.aspx
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/ Garrido, Sara, Support For Law Enforcement During Community Unrest, Nicoletti-Flater Associates, PLLP, Lakewood, CO New York City Department of Education, Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
United States Department of Justice, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Criminal Justice Information Services Division
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