Resilience Development
What is Resilience?
Resilience refers to the ability to respond effectively following adversities, and to persist, rather than giving up, after setbacks. Resilience is the norm for people; most of us eventually recover following loss, and do not retreat entirely after defeats. However, some people are characterized by being particularly resilient.
What Makes a Person Resilient?
Highly resilient people tend to share a number of common characteristics:
- They tend to have satisfying and supportive social relationships, and spend time nurturing and deepening their relationships.
- They establish clear, attainable goals, and work to make steady progress toward achieving their goals.
- They view setbacks as challenges rather than failures, and identify helpful lessons to be learned from experiences.
- Instead of worrying about what might happen, they reserve their time, attention, and energy for things that they can exert some control over.
- They have a positive, optimistic view of the future.
- They have a positive attitude toward themselves, with realistic confidence in their abilities.
- They have warmth and compassion for people, including themselves.
- They have good problem-solving skills.
- Key Point: Resilience characteristics are not unchanging traits, but are skills that can be developed and strengthened with deliberate practice and repetition across time.
How to Strengthen Your Resilience
Below are 10 important steps that you can take to become a more resilient person.
Bolster Your Physical and Emotional Health
Take steps to ensure good physical and emotional health by regularly getting adequate sleep (7-8 hours for most people; see Sleep Optimization article), getting regular cardiovascular exercise, and keeping stress in check.
Nurture the Most Important Relationships in Your Life
Make sure that you nurture your relationships with friends and family. Intentionally set times to interact with them, listen attentively, and share enjoyable experiences. Provide them with support, and seek support from them when you need it.
Consider How You Interpret Events
Notice the ways that you think about and interpret events, including setbacks. Do you tend to blame yourself? Do you tend to make pessimistic attributions? (“I’ll never be able to accomplish this”; “I might as well give up on trying for that promotion”). If so, try to write down these kinds of thoughts, and examine the evidence for and against them. See if you can generate one or two more optimistic statements that are realistic but positive. Practice these new thoughts, and observe to see if they enhance your motivation to persist and keep working at important goals.
Be Proactive
In difficult circumstances, try to act decisively on manageable steps toward valued goals, rather than being stalled by indecisiveness or avoidance. There is a natural tendency to become passive following a setback or loss; you may need to actually remind and instruct yourself to resume taking productive actions in such circumstances.
Learn from Setbacks
When you encounter setbacks, allow yourself the opportunity to learn from the experience. Ask yourself questions such as, “What insights can I take away from this experience?” and “What about this experience will make me stronger or more knowledgeable in the future?” Setbacks often allow us a unique opportunity to learn valuable insights about ourselves and others, deepen our understanding of challenges, expand our awareness, and also strengthen our capacity for managing adversity in the future. When people are asked to identify the most important lessons learned in their lives, they frequently cite adverse circumstances as setting the stage for their most powerful learning experiences.
Be Flexible
Be realistic about your abilities and goal attainment; be willing to modify your goals if circumstances have changed or if new information makes goal attainment unrealistic.
Foster Warmth and Compassion
Foster warmth and compassion for others. Do the same for yourself. A “loving kindness” audio script can help to access deep feelings of compassion and empathy.
Enhance Your Positive Emotions
Enhance your positive emotions by helping others, either with a kind word or gesture, or by volunteering. Keep a gratitude journal, writing down every few days a list of three things that you are grateful for, and what caused those three things to occur.
Clarify Your Values and Goals
Take some time to clarify what you value and what you would like to have accomplished within a 1-5 year time frame, as well as what you would like to have accomplished by the end of your life. Use these values to establish more short-term goals (across 6-month, 1-month, 1-week, and 1-day time horizons).
Focus Your Efforts and Monitor Your Progress
Start a daily questions list, rating yourself on a 1-10 scale by responding to items such as, “Did I try my best to be grateful?”; “Did I try my best to notice and focus on the positive?”; and “Did I try my best to deepen my close relationships?”
Key Point: Trying one or more of these strategies can significantly improve your ability to develop and strengthen resilience. As a consequence, you will likely be more capable of handling the negative without giving up, focusing on your valued goals ahead and working toward them with a positive, optimistic, and self-compassionate mindset.
© 2017 Cordico LLC. All Rights Reserved.
